Mondays Post : Love Happened

Posted: February 21, 2012 in love

During the last 3 weeks I fell for you, I don’t know when, I don’t know how, but I did. I don’t remember letting you in, I don’t remember allowing myself to feel something.

You showed me that kings do exist, you showed me respect, honesty, love without it being accompanied by pride, ego, jealousy, possessiveness.

You made me expose a side of me that I have hidden so well from the world and yet u still wanted me.

 You showed me exactly what unconditional love is and you gave me hope.

 I can’t stop thinking of you, you constantly on my mind, day in and day out, I go to bed talking to you and I wake up with you saying something sweet. I can’t get you out of my head and now you affecting my heart and I’m not too sure if I honestly want you out of either place.

 After meeting you I can honestly say I don’t think of the hurt and tears I cried for all the losers I had in my life. Somewhere during our magically moments with each other you wiped away all that hurt and made me realise that some-one can love me for me.

 I became vulnerable in front of you, yet you never used my weaknesses against me, you encouraged me, gave me hope and made me laugh during the times I thought my life’s countdown had begun.

 Why did I have to meet you now, this cross road is cutting me deep and what was supposed to be a fling of sorts ended up to be something special, treasured and something I don’t think either of us will forget. I will never forget our stolen moments and I will never forget the first time you kissed me(and yes i did make you break your gentleman rule). You stirred up something inside of me that would melt chocolate with just one touch.

 I tried not to feel for you, I told myself that I’m crazy, I told myself everything I could but I guess it was just lip service cos you know that my heart and head tells me something else.

We broke all the rules and yet I don’t feel guilty cos I get to take away something that means more to me than all the wealth of the world.

 I feel like I lost my best friend, a part of me last night, I thought I was imagining it, but this feeling swept over me today and it still follows me. I feel lost, yet I’m not angry or jealous, I’m just incredibly sad. Even though we knew each other for a few weeks it felt like I known you my entire life.

 You the best thing that happened to me in a very long time and

 It’s now time to say goodbye.

 Natasha

 

apologies for my absence

Posted: February 21, 2012 in Uncategorized

wow….. what a roller coaster ride these past few weeks.

 sorry for my absence and not reading anyone’s post. I have alot of catching up to and yes i have missed you guys.

 Alot has happened and im happy to report all is good except for the broken heart but at least its a healthy broken heart.

 when i go through drama and a change in my environment i go into hiding, i sort out these issues mentally and emotionally  first, try to find solutions and until i know i have dealt with it i emerge back into the sunlight again and boy is it bright out here.

 i finally went to the GP, Lancet, GP, Lancet and the Cardiologist. Now i still have one more(crossing fingers the last one) visit to Lancet Labs.

 and after R6000 later i have been told my heart is healthy and none of my arteries are blocked … but they cannot find the problem. Now they want me to check my liver?????

 The Cardiologist looked at my blood tests and i have very low iron levels and extremely high cholesterol  levels and the cholesterol levels are hereditary. He said i would prob have to be on meds for the rest of my lifespan to monitor and bring down my cholesterol levels but i dont want to.

i said i would try to eat even more healthy and exercise more than 5 times a week and see if i can bring it down.

that also means i have to visit him again in 4 months.

I would probably have stand in the middle of a busy intersection on month end with a board just to raise money to pay all these bills. My medical savings bucket seem to have a running leak these days. Heaven forbid i catch a cold.

as you know from my previous post i fell in love and now i had to give that up. we both trying to keep ourselves busy and NOT think of each other but its very hard. guess time and distance will help. I feel so incredibly sad on the inside, almost to the point of being numb.

 my boss has been on leave so you know how the workload just increases in size but im almost done with that…. great …. just before another month end 😦

 i feel so drained right now and i think i need a holiday just to de-stress.

 

 

hope you guys have a wonderful day ahead.

i’d rather be alone

Posted: January 31, 2012 in Uncategorized

awhile ago i was watching something on tv…. i cant remember what it was but i was left with a thought and today i read the online news about women being abused, tortured, killed for not giving birth to a son.

do you blame society for what it teaches people, do you follow the norm so you not considered an outcast. at what age do you consider yourself an adult and take responsibilities for your actions. im talking about abuse of any nature, so horrible and violent that im getting really p@#$ed off just reading it.

would you tear off another humans fingernails, would you kill some-one just because she gave birth to a girl instead of a boy. Why would you hit or abuse your spouse.

Did you not vow to love, honour and cherish each other through life’s ups and downs. Nothing in this world gives us the right to hit another human being, to hurt them so badly that it leaves them emotional unstable and probably need therapy their entire life.

in the past when you saw your dad hit your mum , Did you not see your mum cry and fight back. Did you not see the sadness in her eyes. Did you not see the signs of withdrawal. Did you not see signs of love that was dimishing slowly right in front of your eyes, love that was turning to hate and dispise. Did you not see how it tore your family apart, did you not see your sister go to her room and cry. Did you not stand inbetween your parents and hold your dad back from throwing your mum against the wall, yet you,

YOU OF ALL PEOPLE think it gives you a right to do it to your partner.

 Have you no self control. you have no excuse as an adult.

It doesnt mean if you married you have right to hit him/her. You dont own your partner. Your partner isnt something you can kick around, use as a punching bag and then a few days later pick it up from the floor , dust it off and pretend everything is just peachy.

 to the people who are reading this and whilst you may not abuse your partner but you know some-one who is doing it, you too are responsible. Dont give me that crap that it isnt your business. Its your human right to help one another. i would rather lose a friend or not speak to a family member till my time on earth is done but at least i know i did the right thing.

 to those who are the abuser…. shame on you, you dont deserve anything but to be stripped naked and beaten till you on the brink of dying and then i will pour hot boiling water on you and watch you suffer. which leaves me to this point……

i rather be alone and cry myself to sleep then be in a relationship with one that thinks im his toy.

Love is Limitless

Posted: January 30, 2012 in Uncategorized

after we were stuffed like turkeys we all just sat and were chatting about everything and nothing at the same time.

Valentines day was a topic of note especially us single folk. Vanessa said she didnt have any plans as yet as her other half is in durban and maybe she will just fly down to surprise him…. i thought that will be so romantic…. Valencia didnt think so,

she was shocked that Vanessa even had a boyfriend. Valencia is some-one who is a bored housewife , she loves to gossip and wants to know whos doing what to whom and when so needless to say Vanessa doesnt confide in her.

Val in a shocked digusting tone replied and said” u have a boyfriend ” and it continued something like this…..

surely you cant watch his every move, how can you have a long distance relationship and trust your boyfriend, why would you have a bf in dbn. cant you find love here in JHB.

as i mentioned Val is married and has a daughter and yet she doesnt trust her husband. WTF!!!

she goes on to say… when i was dating my husband and when i wasnt with him i often used to phone his phone from a private number and listen… listen to the background to make out where he is and what he is doing, basically to catch him out…. she ended the conversation “i dont trust my husband”

i ended the conversation with “you are psychotic” .

how can you not trust your husband? why would you marry some-one you dont trust? would you like it if you were treated that way?

after Val left i spoke to Vanessa as she was feeling down…. i gave her a hug and told her “love happens”…. u could be in brazil on holiday and find the love of your life, love happens when u least expect it, it has no province or continent boundaries.  if you love your partner and he loves you honesty and trust comes naturally.

guess everyone has their version of love however sick and twisted and obsessive it maybe.